I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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