you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
