so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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