I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
