he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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