I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
