I showed him my bush... on skype.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
