I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
