I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
