at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
