I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
