I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
