Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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