jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
