just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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