if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
