Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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