He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You're like the curious george of whores
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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