and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
