Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
