he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
