I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
