So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
