At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
