she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
