Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
