This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
