did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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