I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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