Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
