lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
