I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
