They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
