Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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