If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
