my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
