I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize