I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The beer is more important than you right now.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
