Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
