So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
