Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
