how can u be prego again
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
