I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is my gift to your gina
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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