im six kinds of drunk right now
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
