first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
