Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
