I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
