How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
