Only a mothe r could love this liver
babies were throwing up all over the place
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
