I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
