I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The air was thick with penises
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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