Michael Bay diarrhea
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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