If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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