you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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