I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
