there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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