I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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