I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
