All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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