You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We need a shit load of segways right now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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