totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I didn't notice because vodka
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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